Catholic Husband

Love, Lead, Serve

Love Languages

When I was studying at Franciscan University in Ohio, one of the big relational topics that people discussed were the "love languages." There are five love languages as defined by Dr. Gary Chapman.

They are:
  • Words of Affirmation - verbal praise
  • Acts of Service - doing small favors without expecting anything in return. (Bonus points if you don't tell them in advance!)
  • Receiving Gifts - Tokens of love (flowers, chocolate, jewelry, etc.)
  • Quality Time - Turning off all of your rectangles and just focusing on them
  • Physical Touch - A situationally appropriate level of physical contact

Essentially, what Dr. Chapman says is that we each have a preferred method of how we like to give and receive love. No love language is greater than the other. They are just different.

Understanding your love language and your spouse’s can help you to communicate. It is also important to remember that some people have multiple love languages. As an example, I really appreciate Acts of Service. However, Quality Time can be effective for me as well.

I bring up this topic because I recently had a deep experience of it. As I said, acts of service is my love language. My wife and I went on a very long road trip.

Ever since we were dating, I really enjoyed long road trips when it is just the two of us. When we are on those trips, it becomes “dream time.” We work on big dreams and small dreams. We work on things that don’t often get the attention that they deserve.

Arriving at the hotel after 12 and a half hours on the road, I didn’t really feel all that tired. I felt refreshed. I felt connected. I felt like our dreams were one step closer.

In this case, quality time was a love language that spoke very clearly to me.

If you are interested in learning more about love languages, check out
Dr. Chapman’s full site. I haven’t had the opportunity to read any of his books, so I cannot personally recommend any of them to you. However, I do have friends that swear by them.
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