Halfway through my kids’ summer vacation, and I’ve hammered through my to-do list. Projects, tasks, and ideas from late 2022 are finally percolating to the top, and getting done. I’m eating great, working out, and watching movies in broad daylight. My schedule is my own, I am the Master & Commander of my schedule. My house is empty, and although I appear to be doing all the things that I desire, I, too, am empty.

It’s not a mistake for a father to share a piece of his identity with his family. My sense of emptiness comes not out of a dark place, but out of a place of truth. In a world where children are seen as an accessory, I sense my children’s essential nature.

There are plenty of stressors throughout my day, starting from basic safety and ratcheting all the way up to petty sibling rivalries and fake crying. But those moments of the day are incidental. They are part of what happens to a father, they are not what it is to be a father.

As the days tick down until I bring everyone home, and we settle back into the chaos and rigor of life, my mind drifts to their college and adult days. They will not always be this small, not always this willing to overlook my faults and failings. What kind of people do I want them to become? That is my work for today.

Tags: Parenting